So here we are. It’s September, and I’ve been a ghost for a while. There were times when I was unsure, scared, lost, and alone. There were days when things went well, and I actually felt “ok” for the first time in nearly half a decade. Upon doing my normal peruse of my news sites that I click around on to see what’s going on in the world, I stumbled on a story of a girl named Kim Suozzis and it blew me away.
Kim’s story is as tragic as it is inspiring. A fatal brain tumor, and a dream that cryopreservation would be able to bring her back someday. The NY Times documented her journey into the world of the unknown. I’ll be posting the video at the end of this post and urge any and all of you who stumble upon my post to watch it. I titled this post “Hope” simply because even when things are bleak and we’re faced with our mortality, hope remains and is our strongest tool to face what’s to come with those that love us standing beside us.
Soooo I’m terrible at keeping this thing updated. I…have a good excuse though! I moved! So stop reading these sentences judging me with your eyes. Even as I type this, you’re doing it. Meanie.
I can’t remember where I heard this, but I’ve heard a lot of people say it.
“Has your heart ever had a question but your brain was afraid of the answer?”
Yeah, I gave it it’s own line so you could really read it. I’ve been in that dilemma for a while now, constantly having a question on my heart that my brain was terribly afraid of the answer (and the possible aftermath) of it. I’m also in a situation where I feel that it’s either going to take wing and soar….or it’s going to fly too close to sun and lose it’s wings.
The thing is…I’m almost at a point where I desperately want to get said question off my heart so I can stop worrying about it, and you know what the worst part is? It could possibly destroy a friendship. One that, over the past few months, has become EXTREMELY important to me.
Oddly enough, this entire situation reminds me of a quote from the Sandlot. “Heroes get remembered, but legends never die. Follow your heart kid, and you’ll never go wrong.” Surely, you know what part of the movie that’s from. If you don’t we are no longer friends, and I want all my Legos back.
I figure I’ll eventually muster up the courage to get all the questions and ifs/ands/buts out of the way, but until then I’m going to keep turning the puzzle pieces of my life over one at a time until I paint a beautiful picture that I be proud of.
My, my, time has flown by. I thought, “Surely I’ll come up with something fancy to put on my blog!” But to make a long story short, I really haven’t. Ironically, I’m usually full of silly things to relate, but nothing much has really been “worthy” to me of posting. Sometimes you just draw blanks.
On a random note, I’m moving back to my hometown at the end of next week. While I’m home and have some Summa’ time to burn I hope to rebuild my deck at my house. I also want to order a ton of pizza from our local pizza place/gas station (Yep, you read that right). I have to admit that I miss the pizza and those oh so delicious garlic knots OMNOMONOMONOM.
I hope everyone had a great and safe 4th of July and didn’t accidentally shoot fireworks into a large crowd like the group I was with did. Those mortar tubes are sneaky and fall over sometimes. It’s supposed to get super hot this week so if you do find yourself outside, be sure to drink lots of water and take lots of breaks. Heat exhaustion is a real and dangerous thing.
Well, it’s been a while since I’ve graced this page with my wondrous, witty, and whacky thoughts. Today the word famine ends! You get a paragraph, you get a paragraph, EVERYONE GETS A PARAGRAPH! But seriously, here are some paragraphs for you to peruse!
I’ve been a gaming junkie for the last…12 years or so. Mostly MMOs and RPGs, as I am 100% terrible at FPS games like Halo (Although the campaign ain’t got NUTTIN’ on me). I’ve been stuck on one game recently. Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn.
Now, I played this game on it’s initial release. I remember the exact day mainly because it was my birthday, and it was the day a new Final Fantasy was to be released. Sadly, the game did not meet the standards many had set up for it and it slowly crumbled to dust. Then, a man named Naoki Yoshida and his team took up the pieces of what was left and created the masterpiece that they dubbed “A Realm Reborn” for it was. The game had been completely made over. From the ground up the game was given life. The deserts were barren, the forests were alive with birds, the ocean swelled.
Sometimes I find it hard to believe that I am actually playing a game. I ended up sitting in an area called “The Black Shroud” for nearly an hour just listening to the rain and thunder. I was amazed that the rain sound waned as I walked over an area that was shielded from the rain, but got louder as I walked back into the rain. All these little details have all been carefully crafted to help draw you into this world, make you ever the curious, and make you want to explore. Sometimes I just sit and watch the sun rise and fall over the ocean landscape just because no matter how many times I see it, it’s as beautiful as the first time I saw it.
There’s just something magical about a game that has this power. A movie, TV show, a game….they can all have this power. For some reason, no matter how many times I try to walk away from it I always somehow find my way back.
A new expansion called “Heavensward” is on it’s way this month, and to say I’m excited miiiiggghhhttt be an understatement. There’s new music, new places, new people, new EVERYTHING! Just like my last post where I mentioned that I fall in love with the characters I meet, I would be lying to say that the story did not make me shed a man tear or two….maybe more *cough* but I digress.
I’m interested in what other people find themselves with a strong personal connection to. I always find it fascinating that there can be so many people as similar as myself, but also, so many people who are the complete opposite.
So here I leave you with the opening to A Realm Reborn entitled “Flames of Truth” followed by the Heavensward main theme titled “Dragonsong”. I hope you enjoy! See you next time interwebz!
I finally figured out what I’m gonna put in my “Just Plain Odd” category! Horray!
Have you ever played an RPG (Role-Playing game)? Have you ever played a Final Fantasy game? (They are all good) Did you pay any particular attention to the music in the game, or any game you play…even if it’s not Final Fantasy?
Surely we all have that one theme from somewhere. TV shows, video games, movies, or even those motivation commercials and videos all over Youtube.
I grew up with the Final Fantasy series. My childhood was filled with scores upon scores of tunes from Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VIII, Final Fantasy IX, and all the way up to XIV with XV making it’s way up the development ladder. One thing that all of these titles share is their amazing musical scores. I fell in love at a young age with these songs. Once Napster and Kazaa started changing the way that we share music (Arrr matey) I’ve been stumbling upon live orchestral plays of the music from my childhood.
Today, this collection of songs is known as “Distant Worlds: Music from Final Fantasy”. I couldn’t tell you how excited I was to know that there are other people in the world who love the music as passionately as I do. Anytime I hear a song from a game that I recognize, I am immediately taken back to where I was and what I was doing when that song was playing. It’s amazing to me that music has such a grasp on my consciousness.
I had the honor of attending one of the Distant World concerts about 2 years ago. I somehow managed to convince my parents to get us tickets for the show in St. Louis for my birthday. They agreed, and there’s a good chance I hit the roof with excitement. My parents had never really been into the music as much as I was, so they weren’t looking forward to the trip. Once we got there and the orchestra started playing the Bombing Mission from Final Fantasy VII, I was a puddle on the floor. My parents thanked me on our way home from St. Louis for convincing them to go. They love the music as much as I do now.
To this day, I can not hear Aerith’s theme without tearing up. The feeling of love inside the notes as they weave and cascade into your ears is beyond my skills as a writer to convey. At the end of the first nights concert they said they were going to play a song that they had never done before. A song called “Answers” from the MMO (Massively Multiplayer Online) Final Fantasy XIV. I got to hear, along with everyone else in attendance, the first time Answers had ever been played in a live theater. It blew me away. It was stunning. The song is about life and death in war and how the warriors are praying for answers of why they must always fight. The choir singing “I close my eyes, tell us why must we suffer. Release your hands, for your will drags us under.” Answers is the most amazing experience of my life to date. I could see the battle with the Garlean army, Bahamut’s wrath, and I could feel the pain of those that were lost in the battle. I cried, and still cry when I hear this song.
All of the music is tied to me in some way. I fell in love with the characters I was playing. I mourned when they mourned, I laughed when they laughed, and I fought for what they were fighting for.
Video games aren’t just something that’s mindless and will ruin your brain. Video games are art now. The music, the storyline, the places you can go. All of it is beautiful, inviting, and just waiting for you to dive in.
I’ll leave you with the first theme I ever heard by an actual orchestra. Aerith’s theme from Final Fantasy VII. Close your eyes and drift away.
Take a minute and read the title of this post. Don’t just read it and come back to the post. Read. It. It’s a simple question, is it not? What do you need? Four words. I’m not usually one to not have an answer to such a question, but when a friend of mine genuinely asked me that question. I was speechless.
I couldn’t answer her. I stared her in the face with an expression of loss. The day she asked me that question was a day when I began to think differently. The concept of the “Need vs Want” when it came to things such as video games, movies, or fast food disappeared. She was asking me what I needed in my life. I couldn’t answer her because I had no idea what I needed.
I had been spending more of my time worrying about the people I cared about rather than taking care of myself. It’s still something I struggle with daily. I also struggle with depression and anxiety. My family helps me, my counselor helps me, writing helps me. I’ve begun learning things about myself I didn’t know. I can write. I can sing. I’m an artist.
I’ve been wading through life in every direction but my own. I couldn’t answer the question because I had no idea what I needed. I honestly still don’t know what I need, but I’m getting there. One day at a time.
So the next time you have a moment, close your eyes and ask yourself “What do I need?”
I can’t even remember when this happened, but I have been on a massive Phantom of the Opera kick lately. The movie was released when I was still in high school, and we watched it my band class during off days which typically happened after a marching contest or when we had a substitute teacher. The class was always given the option to vote for which movie we watched and Phantom of the Opera usually won by a landslide.
After watching it…Oh I don’t know…5 times or so you kinda get an idea of the lyrics of the songs. We band nerds decided to turn the subtitles on and anyone who was brave enough to sing in front of everyone was free to sing. Mostly girls, but then there was me. I learned all the Phantom’s parts word for word. A close friend of mine, Jessica McGhee, often sang the parts of Christine. One day we were watching it and I bet her to close her eyes and see if she could tell me apart from the movie. She closed her eyes, and I started to sing while messing with her. I got real close to her while singing the parts where the Phantom is close to Christine, and apparently I was so good it gave her goosebumps and freaked her out at the same time….cause, you know, Music of the Night is kinda dirty.
She never took me up on the bet ever again, but it was fun while it lasted. I fell in love with the movie. I never was big into musicals, but this one just took me. The way Gerard Butler sings the parts of the Phantom portrays such a heartbreaking tone, while also proving why the Phantom’s voice was so enchanting to Christine.
During the Point of No Return when the Phantom steps out and begins singing, Christine immediately knows it’s him. The once rowdy crowd is hushed by the beauty and chemistry the two share on stage. Raoul, Christine’s beau (No one likes you Raoul), even begins to cry because he knows he and Christine will never share that kind of chemistry when being together.
In the end, all it took was one simple act of compassion from Christine to show the Phantom that he’s never really alone. So I urge to find someone to sing to, no matter if you’re good or bad. I’ve always wanted to sing in front of people or record myself singing some of my favorite songs, but I’m far too shy to do it.
Maybe one day you’ll hear my Music of the Night, but until then won’t you help me make the Music of the Night?
There have been a lot of different things on my heart recently. I’m entering a new chapter of my life with no possible clue to how things are going to go, I continue to learn and see how things, such as music, affect people in so many ways, and that now I understand why I find people so fascinating. See what I did there?
It all started with my Comp II class in the early years of my college career. I had a professor that allowed us the freedom to choose what topics our papers had to be on throughout the semester. I usually just picked something that I knew a decent amount about and just typed it up the night before so I didn’t fail and move on. The last paper I wrote for that class was called “The Beauty of Music”. It was an introspective look about how music influences me daily. To this day I still believe that music is the world’s one perfect language. Music is made with love. The writers and the singers all sing with love and passion for what they do.
About last week or so an old video resurfaced on the web about a man named Henry. An older gentleman who has been in nursing home care for well over 10 years. Henry was inert, unavailable, depressed, and just felt like an empty shell of a man until one day one of his caretakers put a pair of headphones on him and played some music he liked from when he was young. The music woke him up. He began to dance, sing, and was more aware than he ever had been. Music bypasses us. It speaks to our souls. It doesn’t care about your race, gender, or what language you speak. Every type of people in the world embrace music.
Music is really the only thing in my life that can make me feel every emotion. I have songs that I have such an emotional sentiment to that I can’t help but cry every time I hear them. I have songs that I listen to when I’m frustrated to help me vent. I have songs that I listen to when I want to sleep.
I recently attempted to rewrite my paper about the beauty of music. After reading it I could definitely tell that a lot had changed since I last wrote it. I’ll post it down below, maybe you’ll enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed rewriting it. I’ll also post the story of Henry in case you’ve never seen it so get comfy, relax, and enjoy the music.
It’s taken some time, but I’m finally starting to get a grasp on who I am as a person and how I’m going to use the talents that I never knew I had to help me achieve the goals I’ve set for myself. The keyword(s) I have to keep repeating – baby steps. I often approach things with a little too much gusto, and then when things don’t play out because…life…I get frustrated and disappointed.
This time around I have a new outlook on how I approach my goals, and rather than set these massively out of proportion expectations I realize that with a little hard work, some passion, and baby steps I can accomplish the goal without getting burnt out on the subject or just plain failing.
I’ll be using this space to challenge your thinking, use my nerdiness to explain the world of gaming, creep you out (Ohhh ghost stories!), make you laugh, and hopefully make you come back to see what’s new. I want this space to be about fulfilling the need to have informative…opinionated…respectful…and real conversation. I’m a sucker for a good conversation, and maybe you are too.
So without further adieu, I leave you with the immortal words of Bilbo Baggins…
“We’re going on an adventure!”<-(Edited to include you because you’re awesome!)
The Interesting, Fascinating, and Just Plain Odd 